


She's in the Rain

by daelisix



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, In Denial, dense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-14 04:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16485992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daelisix/pseuds/daelisix
Summary: Jinyoung wasn't aware of what he feels until he saw Alya crying in the rain one day. He started doing things a little bit out of ordinary and Alya's been trying to convince herself that he's doing those stuff because they've known each other even before they learned how to talk and walk. But she couldn't convince herself any longer when the feelings she burried came to surface again.





	1. Rain

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: Please be mindful of the tenses. I might jump from present to past and back to the present (like what I did in some of my Day6 fics). I'll be adding another space between the paragraph of present and past, too, so it will be less confusing.  
> \--  
> Aaaand, if any of you have read my Day6 fics, I'm sure you guys noticed how I put irl scenes in my fics, and of course facts, so Jinyoung's favorites here are real, and her ideal type, too.  
> \--  
> Jinyoung has been invading my mind and has been pulling me. Then when I tweeted about "Jinyoung would be the kind of guy" when I saw him holding an umbrella and tilting it more to Youngjae's side, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about this fic. Aaaand, I'm ao excited to write this. So if you'll start reading this, I hope you could be with me until the end.

“Wake up, Sleepy Head!” Jinyoung throws a dirty cloth, which was lying on the floor, to Alya, who's still fast asleep on her bed. “Hey! It's almost lunch time.”

The lady groans and moves her head, dipping it deeper on the pillow. She waves a hand, telling her childhood best friend to go away.

Jinyoung's ivory-colored hair falls down as he drops his shoulders. He puffs his cheeks to blow them away from his eyes.

Alya clenches her hand when the bed shifts because of Jinyoung's weight. She shuts her eyes tighter when the young man puts a hand over her shoulder.

“Get up,” Jinyoung demands in a low voice as he shakes his best friend, urging her to start her day, but the latter won't budge.

He calls out her name again and there's no answer. Not even a groan nor a hum. Jinyoung knows there's something wrong.

 _Did she cry again?_ He confirms it when he's about to move the wavy hair away from Alya's face but she stuffs her head more to hide her puffy eyes.

 

It's been three months but she's still hurting so bad. It's been three months since they found out she was being played by the ‘campus prince'.

“What did you say?!” Jinyoung asked, grabbing the girl on the shoulder and made her turn around. He heard her talking about his best friend being so pitiful when they were walking toward the lockers that he immediately gripped the girl before he could lose her.

The lady winced in pain but Jinyoung didn't let go.

“I asked you, what did you say?!” he asked, gritting his teeth. His eyes were widening and Jackson behind him wanted to stop him but the former held the girl's other shoulder, shaking her with both hands, demanding an answer. “What did you say that Arthur did?”

“H-he--” she grimaced “he was just playing with Alya.” She take a gulp and eyed Jackson when Jinyoung still didn't let go. “Ra Hee lost her phone this morning and suddenly a video spread out revealing that Arthur befriended Alya on purpose. To get her heart.”

If Jackson didn't pull Jinyoung, the girl's bones must have been crushed already. She almost fell, knees were wobbling, but her friends caught her.

Jackson mouthed ‘sorry’ to the girl before he dragged Jinyoung out of the building. The latter was mad, fuming, furious. He couldn't think straight. He wanted to introduce his fist to Arthur.

“Jinyoung!” Jackson snapped him back to his senses. “Don't you dare do anything reckless. You're not the type of guy who'd do that.”

“I'm not gonna do anything.”

Jackson stepped in front of him, held both of his shoulders, and looked straight on his eyes. “I know what you're thinking. It's Alya we're talking about so I know how furious you are.” Jinyoung landed him a weary look which made him let out a sigh. “If I was in your position, I'd probably have the urge to kill the guy, too, but there's something more important than landing your fist on his face--someone who's more important. That guy is not worth even a single second.”

The black haired's eyes softened. _Alya! Where's Alya?!_ He dashed to his best friend's classroom but she wasn't there. He went to the library, the cafeteria, the field, the clinic, he ran around all over the campus but not even a shadow of Alya could be found.

It was already starting to get dark. The clouds began to shed tears. He was panting, the side of his abdomen was already hurting, he was almost out of breath, but he continued running, not minding the drizzle.

He went on and on until he finally saw a familiar figure under a clear umbrella, the brown wavy hair, and the white bag with strawberry prints.

He heaved a sigh of relief and finally took an umbrella out--the cry of the sky is starting to get heavier. He marched towards the park as he opened it only to stop on his tracks after three steps.

Someone's in front of Alya. He didn't realize it at first because he only saw his best friend's back. But it wasn't Alya who's holding an umbrella but the _Campus Prince_ before her.

Jinyoung's grip on his umbrella tightened as he saw the brunette stretch her arm to reach Arthur's hand but the guy moved it closer to his chest, resulting Alya's hand to drop. He saw the young man's lips move before he turned his back and left Alya be drenched in the rain.

The first thing that one must do is, obviously, go to your best friend, take her under your umbrella and console her. Or run towards the guy who broke your friend's heart and break his face in exchange. But Jinyoung did neither. He didn't know why. He was just standing on the sidewalk, frozen in place as he watched his best friend letting her tears camouflage with the raindrops.

He didn't know how many more minutes he stood there, watching her from the distance. She was already sitting on one of the swings. Her head cast down.

Jinyoung blinked slowly as his lips parted. Thousand of needles seemed to be pricking his chest and he felt like a bowling ball was thrown at his stomach that it hurt so bad, he wanted to throw up.

He's so used to seeing Alya cry. 79% of the time, he's the reason why. He'd usually do anything just to see tears stream down her face. But seeing her in this moment--heart breaking, tears rolling, alone while it's raining--made him want to protect her. He realized it's not fun seeing her cry at all. And he realized he wants to do anything to see her lips curve to form a smile instead.

It dawned into him that the only reason why he loved teasing her is because he's also the one who'd always restore her smile--make it bigger.

He's not dumb. Even though he just became aware of it, he's not a fool to not know what it is. He's in love with her. He didn't know how or when it started. Or maybe it was always there since the first time he hear her utter his name when she was one and he was two. Or maybe even when they first laid eyes on each other when they still didn't learn how to walk. Maybe she already found the way to his heart since the beginning that he didn't think it was _something_ because it's no different. His feelings for her doesn't seem to change. It doesn't because he's always loved her. 

He took a gulp as he also took in the reality that hit him. He let out a shaky breath as his frozen feet finally moved and sauntered towards the brunette.

Alya looked up when she saw Jinyoung's shoes enter her area of vision. She didn't wipe her tears so Jinyoung wouldn't know she's been crying. She's already drenched anyway. But Jinyoung could distinguish her tears from the rain on her face. She beamed at him but her eyes were empty.

“Are you a fool?” He ruffled her doused hair. “Why are you here getting drenched? Do you wanna get sick?!”

She knew from the moment she met his eyes that he already knew what happened. But him acting like he didn't, for her sake, made her tears roll again. She blinked them away. Her head dropped.

Jinyoung pulled her up by her wrist and wrapped her in his arms. Alya sobbed for almost a minute on his shoulder before pushing him.

“You're getting wet,” she sniffed.

He arched his brows and closed the umbrella. “Then let's just bathe in the rain together.” He took her hand. “Like the old days?”

Alya laughed and hit Jinyoung's chest playfully with her free hand. She was just bawling but she couldn't contain her smile. She nodded and he raised a brow as if challenging her before they ran together, hand in hand, cackling for no particular reason.

The old lady, who's the owner of the shop at the corner of their street, gave them an earful--telling them they're not kids anymore to be playing in the rain like they used to.

“The old days are good,” Alya remarked with a smile as she took her ice cream from the old lady.

She forgot about her heartbreak for a moment and her heart was enveloped with warmth from nostalgia. She smiled to herself as she reminisced those younger days where they would always race to this shop when it's raining and have an ice cream eating contest.

“We can make the new ones better,” Jinyoung tossed his ice cream to his best friend's. 

It's just like the old days but instead, they didn't race. They ran while holding each other's hand. They're not eating their ice cream in a hurry to win either but they're taking their time, grinning at each other.

 

Jinyoung brushes the back of the brunette before stroking her hair. He's wondering what made her cry again. He strokes his hair up before leaning forward to plant a kiss on Alya's head.

“It will be okay. I promise.”

Jinyoung calls Youngjae--everyone's happy pill--and Mark--the one whom they call a wall for being quiet but Jinyoung finds solace in him. 

He huffs as he slides down his phone in his pocket. No one's answering or replying to his text messages.

He narrows his eyes as his palm hugs the knob of his bedroom door. It's quiet but he knows it's not empty. He now knows why his friends didn't respond. He's pretty sure that Youngjae is already busy playing game on his computer while Mark is fast asleep on his bed. His intuition does not betray him when he opens the door.

“How many times should I tell guys that no pets allowed in my room?” He hisses as he sees Coco, Mark and Youngjae's dog, sleeping on his bed, near Mark's feet.

He lazily drags his feet and slumps on his bed, causing Mark to wake up.

“Where's Alya?” Mark quizzes because Jinyoung was supposed to get Alya and meet up with them for lunch. “I'm hungry.”

He rests the back of his palm on his forehead as he raises a leg. “Let's just order. She's still sleeping.”

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Youngjae lands him a glance. He senses his hesitation.

“What is it, Jae?”

The younger crinkles his nose before pausing his game. He leans on the swivel chair and faces the older.

“Dahyun said they saw Arthur last night.” Jinyoung listens. He doesn't budge. “She said Alya acted fine but was worried that she'd cry if left alone.”

And she was right. When they saw Arthur last night, Alya put up a front--as if what happened three months ago doesn't concern her anymore; as if three months were already enough or even more than enough for her to forget how the so-called prince and most of the students made her feel.

She felt like a trash. Not just the one lying on the ground but the one that's been already thrown away to be broken and then trampled on.

She didn't cry because she still can't move on. She cried because the awful feeling came back. She doesn't have any special feelings left for her ex, not even hate. She just feels terrible for herself.

Alya didn't get enough love when she was young. Her father left them. To be able to fill the void in her heart, she gave love. It's somehow contradicting.

“If I give love, i will be so busy loving people that I won’t have time to hate anyone,” was her defense.

“You can't give something you don't have, though.” Jinyoung retorts. “I mean, people leave and hurt you. They don't give you enough love. How can you give so much?”

“But I have it. I have love. If they don't give enough, so what?” She smiled sweetly. “I feel so overwhelmed with my love for them that I don't feel there's something lacking in my heart.”

Until now, Jinyoung still doesn't understand what she meant fully. But she admires her for that.

Alya is probably one of the most optimistic people Jinyoung has ever known. And except from Mark, she's also the person, among his friends, who doesn't care about what people think.

But seeing how the issue from few months ago affected his best friend, he thinks she must have loved _the bastard_ so much.

“Do something about it already, Nyoung,” Mark mutters sleepily as he takes a pillow to hug and shifts to find a more comfortable position. “You're dragging. You're 17 years late already, that's enough."

Jinyoung doesn't respond. Mark doesn't need to tell him twice. He didn't even need to tell him, he thinks. But deep down, he knows that it's Mark's voice that he needs.

Mark’s words have this kind of power that always make Jinyoung do things he must do. The younger knows what to do most of the time, but like Mark said, he's always dragging. And it's always the older's voice that pushes him to get out of the box and move.

That's why the next morning, Alya is greeted by the aroma of her favorite cocoa a good morning when she walks to their kitchen and finds Jinyoung behind the sink.

Her hair is disheveled. She's still wearing the loose shirt she wore to sleep. She hasn't pulled the neckline up yet, her left shoulder is revealing, that her collarbones greeted Jinyoung ‘good morning’ back in exchange.


	2. Grass

Alya shuts her eyes after going back to her room. Back leaning on the door, and hand gripping tightly on the knob.

She wasn't expecting to see Jinyoung so early in the morning. She used to always be the one who goes to their house to wake him up for breakfast.

_But that was 5 years ago._

She felt her cheeks heat up when she realized her best friend’s not the same boy she knew anymore. And she's not the same girl who can just walk towards him right after she got up from bed. They're not kids anymore.

And realizing that, she dashed back to her room. She's fine with him seeing her in that state except for one thing--she wasn't wearing her bra.

Now, she's hastily putting it on and goes out of her room right after. She didn't change her clothes but she already adjusted the neckline.

She's tying her hair in a bun, some strands falling on the side of her face and on her nape, as she paces down the stairs.

Jinyoung looks up to her as he shoves a strawberry dipped on a melted chocolate in his mouth. He almost forgets how to bite or chew when he sees her doing her hair, exposing her neck.

“Aw!” He bites his tongue instead when Alya lands her eyes on him.

The brunette just laughs at him and tiptoes to reach for a berry. “Like the old days again?” She beams widely as if she did not crying the other night. She dips it in the chocolate and bites half of it. She closes her eyes as she savors it.

It's Jinyoung's favorite, and became hers, too. Her strawberry-designed bag was a gift from her brother who also loves strawberries. Jinyoung also got one from him. It's a pair. But he doesn't use it anymore.

“Too bad, your brother already went to--” Jinyoung tilts his head as he trails off, trying to remember the place.

“New York,” Alya continues as she sits on one of the high stools, “He's now in New York.” She finishes the strawberry in her hand.

“Oh yeah. That guy always transfer places that I don't know where he goes anymore.”

Her brother's goal is to travel the world alone. He's a photographer and he travels to take pictures. He's hitting two birds with one stone.

Youngjae even wanted to come along with him. He looks up to him so much but the bright boy decided to let him travel alone first and he'll travel with him later in the future.

“I know, right? But I'm happy for him.” Alya takes another berry. “Although I miss his omelette rice. Why did you mention him anyway?”

“I was gonna make strawberry milk shake, his favorite, if he was here.” Jinyoung notices the subtle frown on Alya's face. He splashes water on her after he turns the faucet off. He just finished washing some plates he used earlier.

“Get dressed, we're going out.” Jinyoung demands when Alya finishes her cup of cocoa.

The wavy-haired scans her best friend from head to toe. Her forehead folds. Jinyoung is wearing a crimson shirt over a light blue long sleeves, tucked in his pants.

“Where are you headed to?”

Jinyoung drags his feet towards her. He makes her turn around before he pushes her. “We,” he clarifies. “Now take a bath and get dressed before I go to your room and be the one to choose what you should wear.”

Alya pulls a denim shorts and a white loose shirt she took from her brother's wardrobe. She's about to tie her hair up when she remembers Jinyoung. She takes a look at herself for a second and thinks she might be underdressed.

Jinyoung might drag her to come along with him to watch an art exhibit or to visit a museum. But they might also just go to a library or a coffee shop where the black haired would sit all day with a book in his hand and she'd be just on her phone.

Just to be safe, she changes to a simple yellow dress.

Jinyoung is nowhere in sight when she comes down. The black haired is at the backyard. He sees his best friend nearing to the glass door. If he finds her beautiful, he doesn't show it. He mentally prepares himself to maintain his unamused face when she comes near. The latter sees him waiting with a bicycle.

“Bike?” she drops her shoulder and groans. She should have not changed, she thinks.

As far as she remembers, Jinyoung doesn't like bicycles. He used to hate it when they ride one during their early years. He got a lot of wounds and scratches from riding it. But it changed. He now feels relaxed if he rides it. Jinyoung's ideal date, if one would ask, is an outdoor one. Or just strolling around, which he also hated at first.

He came to like those things because when he thinks back, their memories from when they were younger are full of being outside their houses. They rode bikes a lot, walked around their village, played at the park, and spent the rest of their afternoon under the big tree near an old abandoned house.

“You don't like?” he straightens up. “Then let's just sit here.”

Alya rolls her eyes. _He told me to change for this?_ She murmurs to herself but comes closer anyway. Jinyoung rests his back on the ground and Alya just looks at him with furrowed forehead.

“Stay there,” she demands before dashing back inside their house.

She changes back to what she first wore and gets the camera that her brother gave her. She ties her hair up again as she speeds down the stairs.

Jinyoung is still lying on the ground when she comes back. She immediately sits near him. When the black haired sees what she's holding, he instantly understands what he must do.

He changes his position. Chest now in contact with the grass. He situates his arms in front of him and he rests his head on the left one. He closes his eyes slowly.

Alya moves back a little and leans down. She puts the camera in front of her and Jinyoung hears the sound of the shutter not long after.

The black haired continues to change pose and Alya catches each of them. On the sixth one, Jinyoung lifts his right arm and put his head on his hand, his elbow rests on the ground to support his weight. He looks straight at the camera lens.

Alya suddenly feels a thump on her chest. The way Jinyoung's eyes talk to her sends shivers down her spine. She blinks the thought away. She doesn't want to fool herself again into thinking that Jinyoung sees her more than a childhood friend.

She feels the inside of her stomach twist as she remembers how her best friend looked at her that one time before they went to their school for the acquaintance night.

 

She was wearing a navy blue skater dress with ornamental patterned lace long sleeves and crew neck. Her hair in a bun, and wavy strands on each side of her face. Silver earrings dangling from her ears. Her face has a touch of right amount of makeup. Her eyelids were covered with gradient eyeshadow--from silver to blue--blended so well.

She saw a glint of admiration from Jinyoung's eyes that there was a sudden butterfly party in her stomach. Fortunately, she was wearing a makeup. She could hide the blush creeping on her cheeks.

Dahyun, her girl best friend, showered her with compliments that night but Jinyoung didn't utter a single word about how she looked. He just complained about her being slow and directed her to move faster.

She thought he was just being himself but his eyes couldn't lie. She was feeling hopeful until Sana, one of Dahyun's friends, asked about his ideal girl.

Jinyoung, with a book in hand, answered absentmindedly. “A girl with a lot of cuteness.”

He didn't realize it then that it was because he always finds everything that Alya does cute. The way the brunette would pout when he teases her, or when her forehead would wrinkle when she's too focused, even when she wants to be babied.

Every time his subconscious would think she's cute, he would always unconsciously mask it with irritation. Maybe he's really always irritated because deep inside, he knows that the subtle tingles on his chest were caused by her.

“Do you think Nayeon's cute?” Sana added.

“Yeah,” he nonchalantly declared.

Jinyoung didn't even think twice. He responded almost immediately. The hope that just started to bloom in Alya has already wilted.

The brunette heard the crumpling of leaves almost half an hour after. She was sitting on the ground, not minding that her dress was getting dirty, leaning on the non-functioning fountain at the back of the multi-purpose hall. She needed fresh air.

“Why are you here?” she quizzed when Jinyoung stopped on his tracks.

“It's noisy inside,” he raised his book.

Alya chortled and shook her head. “Who would bring a book to a party?”

“Obviously, me.” Jinyoung grinned as he sat beside her.

Silence enveloped them as Jinyoung read his book while Alya was just playing with her fingers. She glanced at him when he put down the volume and scooted closer to her.

When Jinyoung raised an arm, Alya's eyes widened and the fast hammering on her chest started. For a second, she thought he'd _cross the line_ but felt his fingers fiddled on her hair instead. She stayed still until her hair met her shoulders again.

Jinyoung stroked her hair to fix it, making sure her nape was entirely covered, before putting some in front. When he pulled back his hand, he didn't move away. He just put her hair pins in his pocket before he went back to reading.

Alya didn't know when it started. She just found her mind asking herself “Was Jinyoung always this handsome?” one day. That was when Jinyoung has a part in a school event that he needed to dance with a group. When it was his turn to be at the center, the expression and aura he gave off made Alya's heart flutter.

Jinyoung tilted his head while he did the hand gestures for the dance step. His brows raised for less than a second before his left eye almost closed. She wasn't sure if he winked but it screamed confidence and lit fireworks in her chest. He owned the performance.

Maybe there's _something._  She wanted to think that maybe the feeling was mutual after he let her hair down. But she digged a hole to bury what she feels the next Monday when she saw Nayeon smiling in front of her best friend.

Jinyoung's eye wrinkles were evident even from the distance. She was so tempted to clutch her chest but stayed composed. Rumors about them dating spread the next morning. She never asked him about it, and he never denied nor clarified it.

 

She clicks the shutter button and swallows the lump forming in her throat, trying not to mind the prickling on her chest. She's fighting with her mind to not overread Jinyoung's eyes.

“What's the matter?” she blinks when she heard Jinyoung's voice.

Sometimes, she doesn't know if she should be happy or not that Jinyoung knows her too well that he instantly knows when her mood changes.

“Hm?” she smiles half-heartedly as she shakes her head. “ _Pizzers?_ ” her eyes are hopeful. She pushes her luck to pizza and burgers, hoping Jinyoung won't ask further about what's going on in her head.

Jinyoung studies her face for a couple of seconds before nodding.

“Let's get the guys. We were not able to eat lunch together yesterday.”

“Forget them. Just spend this day with only me.”

He stands up and brushes the grass and dirt on his clothes. He stretches his arm and offers his hand to Alya to help her get up.

The wavy haired does not hesitate but arches her brows because of the black haired's remark. She bites her lip. _What does he mean?_

“Why?” She pulls her hand but the other holds it firmly and raises his brows on her as if asking what she's doing--as if asking her why she's taking her hand from his grip and as if she's not supposed to do it.

Jinyoung bends over to brush the dirt on Alya's legs and the brunette follows.

“Do you know what my favorite quote is?” he queries when he straightens up, still not letting go of Alya's hand.

“ _Only one_ is better than _number one_?” she answers, unsure why he's asking randomly.

“Exactly,” he starts taking step. Alya eyes their hands, still locked, before putting her gaze back to her best friend and starts walking, too. “If we get the guys, I know I'm still number one. Because of course, I'm your best friend,” he shoots her a glance before looking back ahead, “And I don't like that. I don't want to be just the number one. I want to be the only one.”

Alya finds herself asking if there's something out of ordinary because everything suddenly seems to be… _weird._

She tries to remember if holding hands with Jinyoung has always been normal. She remembers their younger years again. They're always hand in hand. _But we were still kids._

 _There's that time, too_ . A part of her mind whispers. _You were smiling so brightly, forgetting your broken heart. You were running in the rain with his hand holding yours, laughing together and remembering the old days._

She blinks. _But he was just trying to… console me?_

But as they greet every person they pass by, no one looks at them as if they are doing anything unusual. No one eyes their hands, teases them, nor asks anything about what's going on between them. It's as if seeing them walk hand in hand is the most normal thing in their village.

_Am I the only odd one here? Am I the only one who's overthinking? Were we always like this?_

She tries to even her breathing but her beating heart refuses to be calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?  
> Scream at me on  
> twitter: @kohiiby  
> cc: daelisix


	3. Book & Coffee

“Youngjae!” Alya exclaims as she dashes towards her not-so-little sunshine. “I missed you, Bub!” she hugs his left arm and shows him a frown.

Youngjae laughs which wraps Alya's heart with warmth. If Mark's voice has a power over Jinyoung, Youngjae's presence has control over Alya--in a positive way.

He takes his hands out from the pocket of his hoodie so he can stretch his arms to enclose Alya in them. The latter lets herself melt in Youngjae's embrace. She doesn't want to let go.

“Someone missed me yet didn't meet me during the weekend. I wonder who that is.”

Alya shows him a moue. “I'm sorry, Sunshine.” She looks up at him. Youngjae smiles subtly after hearing that endearment--one of Alya's many nicknames for him. “I overslept last Saturday and I was thinking of calling you yesterday but…”

 _I want to be the only one._ She hears Jinyoung's voice in the back of her head.

“But?”

“I was thinking you're playing LOL so I didn't want to bother you,” she crinkles her nose.

Jinyoung, who's walking few steps behind them, smiles to himself when he noticed the brunette paused for a second. He knows she remembered what happened yesterday; she recalled what he said.

He saunters with a smug, one hand in pocket, before his eyes catch a figure he refuses to see. He shifts his gaze back to Alya, whose arm is still draped around Youngjae's waist, and the latter, whose arm is still around the other's shoulders. Fortunately, they're busy talking.

He takes bigger steps until he reaches Alya's side. The wavy haired scowls at him.

“You're supposed to go in that direction,” she points at her left.

Jinyoung shoves Youngjae's hand that the younger's arm on Alya's shoulder drops. He replaces it with his own. Both of the younger ones crease their forehead in question.

“I'll walk you both to your classroom.”

“What are you? Our dad?” Alya spits. “And--” she raises her hand and grips Jinyoung's to take his arm off her shoulder. The rest of her sentence is left hanging in the air when someone unannounced butts in. Her hand holding Jinyoung's on her shoulder stays in place as the black haired fumbles his fingers to intertwine some of them with hers. Alya's heart leaps.

“Hi, Al!”

Jinyoung wants to clench his fist or tightens his jaw but he maintains his bored look.

“What do you want, Arthur?” She rolls her eyes.

“I was just wondering why you were in a hurry last Friday,” he glances at their enlaced fingers “I thought it was because you see me.”

“She was in a hurry to see me,” Jinyoung deadpans, “Now if you may excuse us, our time is so precious to spare a trash like you a minute.”

When they march towards Alya and Youngjae's classroom, Alya pulls her hand but Jinyoung's remains on her shoulder. He does not utter a single word, even when they arrive in front of the classroom.

“I'll see you at lunch, Nyoung.” Alya smiles softly to which the other just answers with a nod.

Alya feels dizzy. Why did she have to see Arthur on the first day of class, after their vacation? Why did he have to approach them? And to add up, there's Jinyoung being weird since yesterday.

“Do you sense something… _odd_ in Jinyoung?” She bites her lip as she takes her pencil case out of her bag. “Say, something that changed?”

Youngjae folds his lips together. He arches his brows as he thinks. “No? None that I could think of. Why?”

She puts the case down her table as she shakes her head before leaning it on Youngjae's shoulder. “Have I already thanked you for simply existing?”

She feels his shoulders shake as he chuckles. She can't help but let her lips curve. This is why she needs Youngjae. She thinks every person needs to have their own Youngjae in their lives. The one that could make you feel at ease just by simply being around you.

“You should thank my parents. Or God, maybe."

“Yeah,” she closes her eyes, “I should do that.”

She clutches Youngjae's arm when lunch break came. They're walking to the cafeteria to eat with their other friends when Alya heard some students whispering to each other about her being delusional.

A lot of people think that she deserved what happened. Some said she got so full of herself when she became _friends_ with Arthur that she became conceited. Others claim that she seduced him--there's no way that _their prince_ would be attracted to someone as plain as her.

 _Why are you like this, Alya?!_ She asks herself frustratingly. She never lets people's words get into her but why did it change?

 

When she learned that Arthur was just playing with her, she felt devastated. She didn't believe everyone then but he didn't deny it when she confronted him. She told him that it's okay if it started wrong, they could just continue. But he said he never loved her; that he was disgusted of how she lavishly gives love to people so he doesn't need her affection.

She's okay with the fact that their relationship was not serious or if it was just a game for him. But what she's dejected about is the love she gave was stomped on. If he didn't want it, fine. But to tramp on it?

When he dodged her hand that reached out for him and left her in the rain that day, the memory of her, running towards her father came back. She was almost six when that happened.

She asked her father if she didn't love him enough, and promised to love him more. But that love was thrown away like a candy wrapper and was stepped on.

Dahyun was so mad at her when she found out she just let Arthur go and forgave him even if he did not apologize. The amount of love she can give sometimes frustrates her friends. Does she even know how to get angry?

Youngjae takes her hand and pulls it to let her cross her arm with his. He gives her an assuring smile.

They listened to Jackson's blabbering all throughout the lunch. Bambam and Yugyeom kept on butting in and Youngjae's laugh pervaded the cafeteria.

Jinyoung's arm was stretched and his hand rested on her shoulder again. Now that she and Youngjae are back in their room, she's starting at the back of her classmate in front of her, wondering what's behind Jinyoung's actions again.

Youngjae nudges her. He motions her to look at the board.

_Study hour._

They are given one period study hour and they can go home after because the teachers will have a general meeting.

Youngjae plays with his pen as he hums. He'll probably write another song. Knowing she must not disturb him, Alya drops her head on her table.

She fishes her phone from the pocket of her skirt when it vibrates.

_Bored?_

She flips her head to see whether the sender is outside. Jinyoung shows a tight smile when their eyes meet.

Alya scans the room before slowly walking out, leaning down. Jinyoung is leaning on the wall, near the door frame, waiting for his best friend to come out.

“Why?” she whispers.

He hands her a box of chocolate and a white volume. There's a big text above, a small silhouette of a man at the center, another text and a picture of what seems like a library at the bottom.

_The Power of One's Alone Time_

She takes it from him. She's wanted to read it. It was the book that helped Jinyoung during his own struggles, it's what gave him strength when he was in a phase. She has read few books before, but she's not a big reader like her best friend. Her brother comes in second. Yugyeom, to their surprise, recently started reading, too.

“Thanks,” she beams before turning back but Jinyoung catches her wrist.

“What's your plan after study hour?”

“Hm?” She takes a glimpse of Youngjae, who is writing. “Arcade? Karaoke?”

He squints his eyes. “Spend time with me again,” he demands as he lets go of her hand before emphasizing, “alone.”

She slumps to her seat when the black haired left after his remark. She shoves a chocolate in her mouth before offering some to Youngjae. She opens the book and starts reading as she waits for study hour to be over.

“Where are you guys going later?” Alya asks the guys who are sitting on the bench, waiting for Jackson, who is in their club room.

“I'm gonna get my iced choco first,” Yugyeom speaks as his eyes are darted on his phone, fingers are busy tapping on the screen, “then I'll go wherever you guys want to.”

She feels a force pulling the back of her collar. She looks up at her side and sees threatening eyes of Jinyoung glaring at her.

“You're not coming?” Youngjae questions, sadness evident in his voice.

Alya glances at Jinyoung again. The black haired arches his brows. He's not saying anything, but Alya finds his action authoritative.

“Sorry, Small Bean,” there goes another nickname again, “I got some errands.”

She hits Jinyoung's arm when they get out of the school premises. The older winces and rubs the part that's hurting.

“What's that for?!”

Alya shoots him daggers. “What is it this time?”

“What?” he raises one brow, acting innocently.

“Yesterday, you didn't want me to get them,” she faces him and stops on her tracks. “Now, we're not spending time with them? I miss them. I miss Youngjae.”

“You'll see them tomorrow. Youngjae is your seatmate.”

“And I see you everyday. I see you when I get out of the house every morning. I see you before I close my eyes to sleep.”

Jinyoung narrows his eyes a little. The corner of his lips lift up. “You think of me before you sleep?”

Alya's forehead folds. She raises a fist again and throws it on her best friend when the black haired catches it. His laugh causes his eye wrinkles to show.

The brunette stares at the creases on Jinyoung's face before she pulls her hand from his grip. She pulls it abruptly that she needs to take a step back to maintain her balance but loses it still. Fortunately, Jinyoung is fast enough to catch her.

“You really are an idiot,” he comments before he locks her in his arm. “Be careful, okay?”

“And whose fault was that?”

Jinyoung just chortles before asking her if she started reading the book.

“Mhm, I like it,” she slants her head a bit as she tries to remember a line. “What is important is knowing that you also have your limits.” She nods. And as she speaks the next line, Jinyoung says it with her.

“Then, a realization opens.”

“You're already there? I didn't know you're a fast reader. It's like in the three-fourths part of the book already.”

They talk more about it. Jinyoung tells her that the author wrote it from experience; he shares in what way the book had helped him and the realizations that hit him.

Even though they always spend time together, and with their circle of friends, Jinyoung had a lot of alone time. In the past years, people would always ask him if he was okay because he'd rather be alone than be with the guys--Mark, Youngjae, Jackson, Bambam, Yugyeom, and Jaebum. He was asking himself if he was doing anything wrong, if spending a lot of time alone was wrong. Then during those times, he would read that book and realized that those times weren't meaningless. He also claims that he grew a lot because of those alone times he had.

“I also love the part where it talked about Taigu Ryokan. He liked children so he spent time with them, but spent most of his time alone, reading a book. He balanced his life by spending time with others and having time alone. And, this line,” he raise a hand and points at the air as he speaks, “Don't forget that spending time alone is not always a good influence, but it depends greatly on how one faces oneself.”

Jinyoung wants to ask her something related to the book but she's already whining because she hasn't finished it yet. They agree to go to a coffee shop near their village so she can continue it while Jinyoung reads another book.

Alya feels the chills the moment they step inside. She's easily cold, so she rubs her arms, hoping that the friction would lessen it.

Jinyoung motions her to find a table for them as he orders. He gets a latte for her and americano for himself. He also buys a doughnut for them to share.

The wavy haired is already reading when Jinyoung walks to their table. He puts their orders down from the tray before setting it aside. He takes the seat on her left, even moves the chair closer, before he takes a book out from his bag.

“The Catcher in The Rye?” Alya asks, after she blew her almost freezing hand, when she saw the volume that Jinyoung put on the table. “You already finished that.”

“I'm reading it again,” he says as he lends her his hand.

Alya just stares at it. She raises a brow to question.

“I'm warm.”

“So?”

Jinyoung arches an eyebrow, eyes his hand and pins back his gaze to his best friend. There he goes again, Alya thinks. Not uttering a word, but so demanding.

She doesn't know why either that every time Jinyoung does it--telling her to do one thing with just his eyes and eyebrows--she always finds herself obeying. It must be the intimidating look he gives her--as if telling her not to dare refuse of what he asks.

She rolls her eyes, as if irritated, as if her heart is not beating wildly. She takes his hand and he scoots a little more to her side, smiling to himself with satisfaction.

_Yeah, he's warm._

She sips from her coffee, trying to act composed, before proceeding to read again. Jinyoung follows.

The black haired glances at his coffee after a couple of minutes. His left hand is holding the book open while the other is still holding Alya's. If he reaches for the cup with his left hand, the book will close. But he refuses to let go of his best friend's hand either. So he leans over instead and reach the straw with his mouth to drink.

Alya glances at him and feels her heartbeat quicken. The thought of him not letting go of her hand makes her blush.

The second time that Jinyoung is about to lean over for his coffee, Alya puts a tissue on the page she's reading so she can go back to it when the book will close. She reaches for Jinyoung's cup with her right hand. The latter turns to her in surprise.

When the brunette gets a hold of the cup, she looks up at the black haired only to find his face in a close distance. She blinks. He does, too. She swallows before she slowly straightens up. She brings the cup close to him and he drinks from it without breaking eye contact.

They are lost in each other's eyes for a moment; forgetting where they are; forgetting they're not supposed to look at each other the way they do now; forgetting that they're just best friends-- _just_ best friends. And not knowing there's a pair of eyes looking, witnessing everything and capturing every scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's scream at each other on twitter @kohiiby  
> Drop smth on cc? /daelisix
> 
> Thoughts?


	4. Eyes

Alya's hands tremble, after she got up from bed, when she saw two photographs--instant camera films--on her bedside table.

One picture shows Jinyoung with outstretched hand, looking intently at her as she mirrored his gaze. The other was captured when she reached out for Jinyoung's cup on his left side, she was leaning on him, arm was stretched and face was looking up at him. Their eyes were talking with more intensity from the previous photo.

She massages her temple as she drops the pictures back on the table. _Who took these photos? And who put them here? In my room._

“Mom, did you go to my room last night?” she asks during breakfast.

“No.”

When asked why, she just shakes her head.

Her mind is still filled with questions of _how_ 's, _who_ ’s, and _why_ 's when she's waiting for Jinyoung outside their gate.

She's staring at the two photographs again, trying to convince herself that there's nothing going on between them. But the more her eyes rest on the pictures, the harder it becomes to make herself believe what she wants to.

She is startled by Jinyoung's voice not long after. She hastily hides the pictures in her pocket. If Jinyoung has noticed it, he doesn't ask about it.

She immediately asks about his night as soon as they start walking. Jinyoung shares about the book, My Sweet Orange Tree, he read last night. It was authored by the person who's considered as the best in Brazil.

He says he likes those kind of books, like “The Little Prince”, because he could feel the pure and childlike emotions that bring him back to his childhood.

She can stare at him all day just talking. Fondness is evident in his eyes--they're sparkling. He's also smiling as he speaks. She can't help but smile, too, as she listens and nods.

“I hope as we all grow old, we will live our lives while trying to retain the pureness in our hearts. Like Zeze, the character in that book.”

“You really like anything about youth, about childhood,” Alya notes. “No wonder you've been bringing the old days back lately.”

“Hm?” He glances at her. “Like what?”

“The race in the rain and ice cream eating contest?”

“That was three months ago and we weren't _racing_. We were running together. I was holding your hand,” he states matter-of-factly.

Alya averts her eyes and gulps. “The strawberry dipped in chocolate? We haven't done that in a while.” She bites her lip and thinks more. “The bread and chocolate jam we ate last week? Strolling around the village. Playing at the park,” she chuckles as she remembers how they spent the rest of their afternoon, playing like the little kids they were, at the park last Sunday.

“I remember you wanted to become a pre-school teacher. You always used to say that you want to read them stories,” she peeps at him with a wide smile. “Did it change?”

Jinyoung thinks for awhile before he shrugs. “I still do,” he beams softly at her, “Maybe the child in me will always love that thought. But I have a feeling that I won't become one.”

“Because of your dad? Will you become a performer? An actor? Or will you take over the company?

“Not really because of him. Just," he shrugs again, "an actor, maybe?”

Alya nods. She believes in him--in what he can do. She has seen him dance and act. He's a crackerjack. He's good at singing, too.

“Then,” she slants her head, “read me that book. I'll listen, Teacher Nyoung.” She laughs.

Jinyoung chortles. “At the base?”

“At the base.”

Alya finds herself examining the photo again during class. The one where their eyes were confabulating; faces were few inches apart.

“What's that?” Youngjae chirps and Alya almost jumped from her seat.

Her seatmate grabs it from her hand before she could hide it. Youngjae's eyebrows raise.

“Who took this? Jaebum? Did he make you guys his subject yesterday?”

“Jaebum?” Alya's forehead creases. They know that her brother is in New York so Jaebum must be out of the picture.

“Isn't he the reason why you didn't come with us?”

“No,” her eyelids flutter. “I--I mean, yes.” She gulps. She's not used to lying. Especially to Youngjae, Mark and Jaebum.

She lets out a soft breath in relief, trying to be subtle, when both of their phones vibrated. Must be their group chat.

It was Jackson. He sent a screenshot of Mark's instagram post. It was a photo of a guy wearing a black bucket hat--the hat that she wants to burn so bad. The face of the guy can't be seen because he was looking down, and the hat and its shadow were covering it, but she knows fully well who it was--her brother. In front of him were table and plastic coffee cups.

_So he's really here._

Their phones keep buzzing and chat bubbles keep popping up. Bambam asks them to cut class and go to where Jaebum and Mark are. Yugyeom readily agrees while Youngjae is hesitant because they might get caught. Jackson likes the idea, too. He says it's exciting. And there goes Jinyoung being a killjoy.

_Behave, kids._

She pouts and squints her eyes when another bubble appears.

_Shall we go during lunch break?_

She suppresses a laugh then shakes her head. She reads Yugyeom's chat that shows ‘Sometimes you're such a B.I. too’

_Best Influence ;)_

Some heads turn to Youngjae when he suddenly laughed at Jinyoung's remark. Alya grabs his phone swiftly and slides it in her pocket before their math teacher could come near them and see what they're holding.

They are told to stand outside until the period ends which they gladly, although not showing it, obey. Alya gives Youngjae his phone back when they are finally outside. They continue talking to the group.

Few minutes later, they hear Bambam's voice trying to contain his laugh. The younger was on his way to the washroom (Alya and Youngjae's classroom is along the way) when he saw them. Now his phone is aimed at them and he sends the photo he took to their group.

Alya rolls her eyes when her phone vibrates. She sees a notification from their group chat and suddenly a new notification comes. It's from Jinyoung. He's asking what happened.

“Let's not get into trouble again,” Youngjae pouts during lunch.

“Well, for the record, it wasn't us who got into trouble.” Bambam sniggers before he gives Yugyeom a high-five.

“Let's not cut class. We can see Jaebum after.”

Jackson whines at Jinyoung's statement. “But it was only them who got into--” his sentence is cut off when he meets Jinyoung's eyes. “Yeah, that's right. Cutting classes is bad, you, kids. No cutting classes, okay?”

Youngjae’s cackle suffuses the area again.

They all agree to meet at their usual bench after class so they can all see Jaebum together. But Jinyoung has another thing in mind.

“Youngjae, Jackson was looking for you,” Jinyoung peeps at their classroom door. His bag is strapped around his right shoulder, right hand gripping on it while the other is in the pocket of his uniform pants, leaning his left arm on the door frame. It hasn't even been a minute yet since the bell rang.

“Did he say why?”

He shrugs. “Just go to him. He's probably in the fencing room now.” His eyes follow the younger as he exits their room. He turns his head back to check on Alya but she's already beside him. “Let's go.”

Alya creases her forehead. “Aren't we supposed to--” she points at her back where the way to the bench is.

“Forget it,” his hand from his pocket finds its way to the brunette's shoulder, “you'll see your brother tonight anyway.”

Alya wants to reason out. She wants to ask why he keeps on making her go with him alone. Or rather, why does he always want them to spend time together alone. But she'd rather choose the former. It sounds more like she's just being forced to come, just so he can have a company, rather than him wanting to be alone with her.

 _But what was that ‘I want to be the only one' about?_ Part of her mind quizzes.

 _Stop reading beyond the line,_ the other part retorts.

The _base--_ their self-proclaimed territory when they were kids--didn't change a lot. The house near it is still abandoned. They doubt that someone will live there again. If someone ever will, maybe they'd demolish the old structure first. The big tree that provides shade to them is still there. It just aged like them, but it's still the same. There are old toys and some of their other stuff scattered on the ground. Some are leaning on the roots. The bench and the table cut from an old trunk, that Jinyoung's uncle has made for them, are still in place, too.

They talk about it for a couple of minutes--recalling their memories and laughing at them. Jinyoung is the first one to sit. He taps the space on his right, motioning Alya to sit.

The book that Jinyoung takes out has a small orange silhouette of a child and a tree beside the title. She situates her arms on the table to rest her head on them as Jinyoung starts reading.

It's a book delivering the topics of love, humanity and the origin of tragedy, through a boy named Zeze, and the communication with human and nature with tranquil atmosphere.

Zeze was frightened when the tree before him spoke. He always thought he could talk to objects.

“ _Are you speaking right now?”_ Jinyoung reads, voice shifts to distinguish who's speaking in the book.

“ _‘You are listening to my words, right?’_ Tree said and smiled. I almost sprinted out of my backyard, screaming away. But my curiosity hold me back”

Alya almost chuckled. Her lips curve as her eyes stay darted on Jinyoung's. She feels relaxed as the other keeps on reading. His soothing voice gives her tranquility. It's therapeutic. She thinks that if her best friend would read her a bedtime story, she'd probably fall asleep easily. She wonders why they are only doing this now. She could listen to his voice while staring at him all day.

‘ _Where are you speaking from?’_

_‘A tree talks with its whole body. I speak with my leaves, branches and my roots. Do you want to try hearing it? Then put your ear against me. You will hear my heartbeat.’_

Alya averts his gaze from Jinyoung to the tree behind him. It had been with them throughout their childhood. Her heart sinks when she thinks about what the tree might have felt when they stopped coming during middle school. Now, they're in high school and Jinyoung will soon graduate while she stays for another year.

She wonders, what if the tree can also speak and hear them? What if it has seen _things_ both she and Jinyoung hadn't? If she'll put her ear against it, will she hear its heartbeat, too? Or if she'll lean on Jinyoung, will she hear his heart beating fast and loud like her heart does?

Jinyoung pauses and tilts his head. He pins his gaze on the brunette's eyes. The latter becomes lost.

 _Eyes are windows to the soul._ Alya suddenly remembers the saying. People say that eyes are the most sincere part of the face--they don't lie. And the way his eyes always speak to hers--the way they convey what Jinyoung feels for her--makes her shiver.

She almost jolted when Jinyoung encloses her hands with his. He gives her a small smile as he turns back to his book.

Her breathing quickens. “Jireongie,” she manages to say when her throat is almost dry. She straightens up and takes a gulp.

Jinyoung feels a thump on his chest. His lips part and eyes shift from the book to nowhere in particular--he's just focused on that familiar name. Did he hear her right?

It's been ages since he last heard that name. He hasn't told anyone that he loves hearing it--his nickname when he was a child. It makes him feel nostalgic.

When he slowly turns to her, her eyes flutter. She doesn't know why she called him by that name again but she thinks it feels nice. Maybe she wants answer. Maybe she wants to know why he always holds her hand. Maybe she wants to hear from his lips what his eyes are trying to say. Maybe she wants to know if he feels the same way she does.

But wait! What does she feel towards him anyway? She panics.

“Junior!" her voice almost cracked.

The soft expression on Jinyoung's face is suddenly replaced with a threatening look. He hates it. When he was two, whenever people call his father, he'd always think they were calling him because they have the same name. So ‘Junior’ happened. But he never liked it. Thankfully, Jiroengie came to his rescue.

“Say the first one,” he demands.

She averts her eyes and tries to pull her hand away from his hold. He tightens it.

“Say it.”

She takes a deep breath and stares at him for a couple of seconds. “Jireongie.”

He doesn't budge. She stays still, too. Neither of them looks away. They stay like that for almost half a minute before Jinyoung’s gaze drops and lands on her lips. He swallows and looks back at her eyes then he nods and turns to the book. He needs to get ahold of himself.

The air is thick around them. Her head feels light. She doesn't know why he made her say that name again. But what she knows, although denying it a little, is her heart slumps when he untied his hand from hers.


	5. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was longer than I expected. The previous chapters were just 2.2k - 2.4k long, I think? But this one is 3k long.  
> -  
> Anyway, this chapter is kind of a fast paced because Jinyoung wants me to write a lot of scenes but I don't want this fic to reach 10 chapters. So this chapter is kind of a summary of what happened for the past weeks and... I love the ending part of this.

“So what's the real deal between you two?” Dahyun asks as she snakes her arm around Alya's.

Alya and Jinyoung were walking towards the school when they saw Dahyun together with her brother and cousin--Jackson and Younghyun--from the distance.

Now, the young lady is glued on her, itching to know what's between her and her best friend.   
  


Jackson has asked one time, with a hint of jealousy in his voice, why the two would always disappear when they're all supposed to spend some time together. He apt to being sulky; he doesn't like it when he's being left out. He used to not speak with Bambam for weeks when he found out he went to eat pork ribs with Yugyeom and they haven't invited him. Other times, Jinyoung would bring up the time that Jackson had meat with Bambam, and only ramen with him, and would act all salty about it, too, to tease the other.

Although Jackson has queried out of curiosity, not wanting for Alya and Jinyoung to eat, something that they might have discovered like a treasure, without him knowing, he also hinted that there might be something going on between them. It was seconded by Bambam, saying that he noticed how Jinyoung couldn't take his hand off of Ayla.

Youngjae agreed and told them that time the older shoved his hand off Alya's shoulder and put his arm around her instead. He didn't mind it but when the guys brought the topic, he recalled all those times when Jinyoung would drape his arm around Alya.

“I've always been like this,” he defended.

“Yeah, like when we were kids?” Yugyeom stated matter-of-factly.

“I don't see anything wrong,” he furrowed his forehead “She and Youngjae always hug and cross-arms with each other, so why can't I?”

“Well,” Bambam slanted his head, thinking of what to reason, “it's Youngjae.” He pointed out, confident that the name Youngjae itself is enough reason. They all understood.

It's Youngjae. He's warm, like that ray of the sun--which is why Alya gave him the nickname  _ ‘Sunshine _ '.

“And you've been less savage towards her,” Bambam added, “you've been more considerate?”

“He has always been considerate and caring,” Alya finally interposed.

During those kind of times, Mark would always throw a knowingly look at them. Jaebum would low key tease, if he's around.

 

“Stop trying to look sexy, Bro,” Alya threw a pillow at her brother.

“I'm not sexy. I'm cute,” he corrected. “Wanna know who's sexy?” he smiled teasingly and jerked his head, motioning the younger to look behind.

A teenage boy, wearing a white sleeveless shirt, preparing some coffee welcomed her sight. The teenager's arms were exposed, and Alya found her gaze lingering for three or more seconds. His arms weren't really toned, but he's not the skinny type either. There were some muscles.

Alya doesn't really like muscles--especially the firm ones. She prefers the cuddly type. Yet, seeing the uncovered arms, that only let themselves be shown once in a blue moon, made her chest feel the tingles. His disheveled hair didn't help her to normalize the speed of the hammering on her chest. It multiplied instead.

_ Maybe it's just because he rarely--very rarely--shows his arms, and even legs, that I'm feeling this way.  _ Alya mentally nodded to herself.

When she flipped her head back to her brother with her forehead wrinkled, the older was already smirking. His eyes were forming a horizontal line.

 

Jinyoung hasn't actually told anyone about what he feels. Nor has he confirmed anything. Yet, two of the oldest among them knows.

There wasn't a single word about it that was shared among the three of them.  No need for words to explain or for them to confabulate. It's a silent understanding.

When Mark told Jinyoung to stop dragging, the younger knew exactly what he meant. And Mark knew he understood.

When Jinyoung waited for Alya the next morning after they went to the base--that day when they were all supposed to see the two of the oldest after class--Jaebum was with him outside the gate. They were catching up. Their lips talked about various things and their eyes were talking about another thing.

Jinyoung confirmed that it was Jaebum who took the pictures, that were lying on their dining table, when the older's eyes land on him. He was wearing a black beanie and a black hoodie with ‘hardcore’ in Old English typeface embroidered on its upper left and full of cat's hair.

When the older asked the black haired how were things going when he was away, his eyes told him to take care of his sister and that he's the only person he can trust her with. When Jinyoung told him that the guys wanted to cut class to see them, his eyes spoke about not worrying about it and he'll surely take care of her.

Sometimes, Mark wants to question Jinyoung's way but would keep mum about it instead.

For the past weeks, Alya managed to make herself think that what Jinyoung's always doing is normal, and that she must not put any meaning behind it.

Their reading session continued. They do it every Wednesdays to Fridays. Sometimes, even on weekends. And every single time, their hands are laced with each other.

There were times that Alya craved for it. Like that one time when they were watching a horror movie, to which Jackson and Youngjae strongly opposed, in Jinyoung's house. Alya would eye the black haired's hand from time to time. She was holding a container with popcorn, trapped between her belly and legs that were pulled up on the sofa. Jinyoung, on her right, would get some with his right hand, and his left hand just laid on the space between them.

Alya felt weird. It's like something's missing--like a piece in a puzzle. She glanced at Jinyoung who's focused on the screen--he loves horror. When her eyes dropped on his hand, she slowly reached for it  _ not-so- _ unconsciously. She put her hand right beside his, and raised her pinky to brush his.

Jinyoung felt that. He could also sense Alya's hesitation and embarrassment. So before the brunette could pull her hand away, Jinyoung clasped it with his. The black haired turned to her with full of tenderness on his face. He pulled her and motioned her to scoot closer to him. And so she did.

Jackson fell asleep on the floor while hugging Yugyeom's arm. Youngjae curled himself into a ball. Mark was on the other couch. And Bambam went to Jinyoung's room after the movie.

Alya remembered Jinyoung slowly putting her head on his shoulder when she was still awake. What she couldn't remember was if they lied down on the sofa when the movie was over, arms wrapped around each other, or if she fell asleep while the film was still on screen. Nevertheless, she liked it. She liked the feeling of waking up with Jinyoung's arms tangled around her, and seeing his sleeping face first thing in the morning.

It has become normal that every time Jinyoung would extend his arms, Alya would instantly tangle herself around him; that every time they ride a bus, Jinyoung would rest his hand--that's spread--on his lap, and Alya would fill the spaces between his fingers and lean on him.

They seem like a couple. Everything they do shouts they are in love. But they seem to have earplugs on that they couldn't hear it when all of the people around them could.

The guys were right, too. Jinyoung has become less savage and more considerate towards her.

Whenever they'd eat together, Jinyoung would used to always take Alya's food away. He'd scold her for arriving late so he'd eat a piece of meat from her plate. But when they ate out one night, Jinyoung has ordered spicy kimchi stew because Alya loves spicy--forgetting Jackson couldn't take it.

They were all already settled on their seats--including Jaebum, who's the reason for the gathering--except for Alya and Dahyun who came a little later. When the two girls showed up, Jinyoung met her gaze as if talking to her to sit beside him. He asked if she was hungry and took a bowl and put soup in it, placing it beside Alya's plate. He also placed some cooked meat. Alya mouthed ‘thank you’ when they were suddenly interrupted by Jackson's scream. He had to take off his shirt because he was sweating a lot.

“Man, you know I can't eat spicy food!”

Jinyoung, feeling a little bit guilty but didn't show it, averted his eyes and nudged Alya to take a bite of her food.   
  


Remembering those times makes Alya's throat go dry. “There's really nothing, Dubu,” she tells Dahyun but it's more like she's telling it to herself--convincing her heart that there's really nothing.

“Girl, you can't lie to me,” she darts her eyes on the brunette's. “I know you've been in love with him for a very long time. And as far as I know, he also--”

A voice calling Dahyun interrupts their conversation. They look ahead and see four girls looking at her--one girl, it's Sana, is waving. Dahyun huffs a breath before staring back at her. She levels her right index and middle fingers with her eyes and flips them towards Alya's eyes, as if telling the wavy haired that she's watching. Dahyun unties her arm with Alya's and dashes towards her friends. Her cousin, Younghyun, follows. Jackson, on the other hand, whines when Jinyoung walks beside Alya.

“So, that's it?” he accuses. “I'll be left out again? Aren't I your friend, huh?”

Jinyoung just smiles. His eye wrinkles are showing.

When they step foot inside the school premises, Alya is enveloped by the judgmental gazes. She shivers from the cold lingering eyes on her. This is another thing that has become normal in her life the past weeks.

Perhaps Jinyoung notices how Alya suddenly becomes tensed that he drapes an arm around her shoulders again. The tautness is subtle, but there's no subtle when it comes to Alya--except the change of tempo of her heartbeat. Certainly, Jinyoung can't sense that. He doesn't know how much he affects Alya; and vice versa.

There's another rumor going around the campus. That Alya resorted to dating her best friend and flirting with her other guy friends because the  _ campus prince  _ dumped her. It makes her feel so small whenever her feelings is being questioned. She's always genuine but they always call her fake. There's no way she's that sweet and kind, right? But she is. And they're just envious.

Every time she'd lace her arms around Youngjae, or rest her head on his shoulder, students would look at her captiously and smirk. When they see Jinyoung or Jackson draping an arm around her, they'd scrunch their noses in disgust. If Yugyeom and Bambam would rest their arm on her head, making her like a stand, they'd laugh at her pitifully.

She'd act like she doesn't mind all the time. But her knees get weak and she wants to cry sometimes. As they walk, The wavy haired catches a pair of eyes looking at her differently. She's sure it wasn't Arthur who started the rumor. It must be Ra Hee, Arthur's closest girl friend. And she's becomes more and more sure every time they meet eyes--his gaze speaks  _ longing _ .

“I'll walk you to your class again, okay?” Jinyoung states. The brunette declines but the black haired insists.

Thankfully, Youngjae is standing by the corridor outside their classroom. Jinyoung reaches for Alya's hand and squeezes it for a second before motioning her to go inside with Youngjae.

When the moon takes its shift, and the sun goes away, Alya hears two taps on her window. Feeling drained from putting up with the stares she's getting the whole day, she drags her feet to open the windows connected to Jinyoung's.

When they were little, they begged their parents to let their rooms connect because it was so troublesome to go down, out of the house and get inside the other's house. They preferred walking a few steps and voila! They're in the other's room. So Jinyoung's uncle made a bridge between their rooms that are athwart each other.

They stopped using it when Alya got more conscious about being a girl though--when she started having her period and Jinyoung was starting to get taller.

“What?” She spits as soon as she opens the window.

Jinyoung waves his hand, motioning her to step aside, and goes inside Alya's room. He scans the room for a second before looking at Alya again.

They proceed to the balcony and the black haired instantly started a topic. They talk about childhood once again; how their parents would panic when they wake up and see that one is missing, only to find out he or she slept in the other's room.

“What is important is knowing that you also have limits,” Jinyoung suddenly utters what he has intended to talk about. He's leaning on the railings, body facing the wall, head tilted up, eyes looking at the stars, and both hands in his pocket.

Alya, recognizing the familiar phrase from the book he has lent her, furrows her brows. “Then a realization opens?” She continues the statement, not sure why her best friend brought it up. She, on the other hand, is leaning forward on the railing, forearms resting on it, body bending a bit, and eyes on the trees across the street.

“Do you know how to have limits?” Jinyoung quizzes, making Alya's forehead wrinkles more. “See? That's why you don't realize what you need to. Stop loving people so lavishly.”

Alya straightens up and tightens her jaw. She feels a pang on her chest.  _ What's this about?  _

“But I don't see anything wrong with that, Nyoung,” she faces him but the other just stares on the wall in front of him. “Some people are struggling because they are drowning in hate. They are suffocated by loathe and unforgiveness.”

“But you do it too much.”

She feels herself shiver from fear. Is he the same with the others? Is he disgusted by it, too? She gulps as she gathers some courage to speak. “There's nothing wrong with that.”

“No,” he turns to her. “Don't tell me you don't care about not receiving enough kind of bullsh*t.” Alya almost took a step back with her best friend's remark. She blinks instead and makes her fist into a ball. “Fine, let's say you really don't. But at least give yourself some, too. Don't you realize it?”

She suddenly finds it hard to breathe--as if an unexpected weight was put on her chest. What does she not realize?

“You're giving people too much because you're afraid of being alone. You think if you give them more, they'll stay. You give too much love but you hate yourself, you can't forgive yourself.”

Alya's shoulders are moving up and down noticeably. She clenches her fists more. “Stop,” she manages to say. Tears are teasing to fall.

“You hate yourself and you keep blaming yourself because you think it's your fault that people leave; that it's your fault that your father left. You give too much because you don't want to be like your mother, whom you think hasn't given enough that your father went to find what's lacking to someone else.”

“I said stop!” A tear finally drops. And then another one.

“It's fine if people don't know how to give back equally to what you've given because we're here,” the faces of their friends flash on her mind. More tears travel down her face. “It's okay to be alone sometimes because at the end of the day, you still have us. You don't need to worry about other people leaving your life and you'll end up alone because you never will. If they leave, it's their loss. They wouldn't find another you who can love them so much without any demand.”

He finally reaches for her. He encloses him in his arms and lets her sob.

“We can fill the void that other people has caused you,” he pauses as his hand travels up. He caresses her hair. “So, yeah. I think it's okay to love so much and forgive them easily. I just have to love you twice more than what you give to them. I can do that. But you have to learn how to give to yourself, too, because that void--it's only you who can heal that."

She sniffs and nods before she finally reciprocates Jinyoung's hug. She tightens her hold and weeps some more.

Even though she wanted him to stop, she's grateful that he didn't. He could just have let her say all of her frustration and listen to her sympathetically but he pushed her to the edge instead and slapped hurtful yet truth words on her face. He believes in her that she's strong enough to handle it.

And maybe Jinyoung's right, she thinks. Maybe what she needs to do is start forgiving herself--stop hating and start loving. It wasn't her fault, right? If she starts gathering the courage to avoid fearing of being alone, and focus more on the people who's giving her a lot, she doesn't really need a lot of people. It's the quality, isn't it? Why did she forget it? Why did she forget that even if other people will leave her, she has them and she will never be alone?

“You don't need that _bastard_ _prince,_ okay? You're no damsel in distress.” Alya chuckles and leans back as she hits Jinyoung's chest playfully. The black haired doesn't let go of her. “You're a warrior of your own.”

Alya tangles her arms back around her best friend's torso. They stare at each other for a moment before she smiles softly.

“Thank you,” she mouths.

Jinyoung beams wide, showing whiskers beside his eyes, and ruffles the brunette's hair. He pulls her closer to embrace her tight once more. The other obliges.

The wavy haired lets herself melt in the black haired's hold. She sure has realized something but she still didn't realize what Jinyoung really meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me on twitter @kohiiby  
> or cc: daelisix


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